Dear Billb,
I would have love to attend your bride and gromm's wedding today but I a
very good reason. It is only because of your fondness of them that I
will share these true details of why I could not make it:
The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to
adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem,
but this morning I was taking my shower in preparation for attending the
ceremony, when I heard my wife, Linda, call out to me from the kitchen.
"Mike! The garbage disposal is dead.
Come reset it." "You know where the button is." I protested through the
shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!"
"I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"
(Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement
about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence.
I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button.
It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it
wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was
our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied
between my legs.
She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took the bait
under the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt
at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like
claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, while
rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a
kitten hanging from my masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men,
in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing straight
up, the sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked
me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.
Having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they
tried to conduct their work while suppressing hysterical laughter.
I was still thinking of attending your close friends' wedding, but I
really could not think of a good excuse (not wanting to tell the truth)
about the bandage covering my head.
Mike
Does this help?
