Top 10 Worst Access Pick-Up Lines

J

Jeff Conrad

To commemorate the one year anniversary of the Access
Junkie Top 10 List, here's another list to help you get
through a tough workday. In addition, since it is the
weekend, these should come in handy as you're out on the
town. Most of these can be used with either gender, but
some are obviously gender specific.

In case you happened to miss the Access Junkie list you
can read the somewhat *colorful* thread on Google at this
link:

http://tinyurl.com/v0gr

A word of caution here! These pick-up lines will probably
work on only the MOST intelligent of prospective mates.
Most of the time, however, you will be met with mixed
results. By "mixed" I mean you will most likely have a
mixed drink tossed in your face!!


So here you go: Top 10 Worst Access Pick-Up Lines:


10. Compile here often?


9. What's your sign? DAO or ADO?


8. WOW! You just put a Breakpoint right on my heart!


7. I would love to hear you talk SQL to me.


6. Want to go back to my place and Debug a few hundred
lines of code?


5. Hi there, I don't think we've been properly Dimmed.


4. Is that an Add-In in your pocket or are you just happy
to see me?


3. You show me your References and I'll show you mine!


2. Would you like to go out back and play in Sandbox mode?
..
..
..
..
..
..
And the number one worst Access Pick-Up Line:

1. What are the chances of you and I getting to Third
Normal Form?
(splash)


If you have tried any Access pick-up lines of your own
feel free to share them whether they were successful or
not. I'd love to hear them, but remember this is a family
show here! I have a few others, but shouldn't print them
here. ;-)

Jeff Conrad
Bend, Oregon
Access Junkie
 
C

Cheryl Fischer

9. You start dreaming in code. "On Error GoTo....."

Been doing that for years. Never told anyone before. I feel strangely
freeeee now.
 
J

Jeff Conrad

Ahh haa, another Access Junkie comes out of the shadows!!
You've taken the first steps which is good.

Feel free to join our AA group (Access Anonymous). We meet
every Tuesday evening at the Vinson Hall on Goldgar
Avenue, 3rd floor of course, suite XP. Next week's special
guest speaker will be MVP Joan Wild giving a lively
discussion entilted:

"It's 10:00 PM, do you know where your MDWs are?"

Jeff Conrad
Bend, Oregon
Access Junkie
 
C

Cheryl Fischer

LOL!!

However, I'm still working on that vision of John Vinson disguised as a nun
carrying a ruler. This is bringing out some long-repressed memories. I
just may need an extra toddy before bedtime.
 
D

Dirk Goldgar

Jeff Conrad said:
To commemorate the one year anniversary of the Access
Junkie Top 10 List, here's another list to help you get
through a tough workday.
Click to expand...

ROFLMAO! Great ones, Jeff -- I'll put them into pratice right ... uh ...
what's that, dear? What am I laughing at? Oh, nothing.
In case you happened to miss the Access Junkie list you
can read the somewhat *colorful* thread on Google at this
link:

http://tinyurl.com/v0gr
Click to expand...

Oh, gosh, I'd forgotten all about that. LOL
 
D

Dirk Goldgar

Jeff Conrad said:
7. I would love to hear you talk SQL to me.
Click to expand...

I have *got* to have a t-shirt made: "Talk SQL to me ..."

Hey, gang, I think Jeff's just come up with the slogan for the Access
MVP t-shirts we were talking about!
 
F

Fred Boer

LOL! Ah, Jeff! You've done it again! If only I weren't married and I could
use these!!

Fred
 
J

Jan Il

LOL!! No wonder! ;-))

One of my favorites is 'Would you like to split a
database?'

Jan :)
 
R

Roger Carlson

I always favored:

If Me.Dirty Then
Me!ButtonUndo.Enabled = True
Else
Me!ButttonUndo.Enabled = False
End If

(Believe it or not this code is in the A97 Help file under the Dirty
Property. Who says MS doesn't have a sense of humor!)
 
F

Fred Boer

LOL! Now *that* would also be good on a t-shirt!!

Fred

P.S. It's in the A2K2 help too!.. I checked!
 
J

Jeff Conrad

LOL!!

Well now that's a keeper!!
I can just picture some tech writer at Microsoft
going, "No one will ever get this for sure!"

Jeff Conrad
Bend, Oregon
Access Junkie
 
J

Jeff Conrad

You mean you don't ALREADY have a T-shirt that says
that??!!

Gosh I was sure John Viescas would have handed those out
to all MVPs from his personal collection long ago!

Jeff Conrad
Bend, Oregon
Access Junkie
 
J

Jeff Conrad

Well Fred, for your intelligent wife you should just
try, "The Dewey Decimal System ain't got nothin' on you!"

That should at least get a reaction....
Of course, you may want to make sure she does not have any
objects that could be thrown in her hand at the time!
;-)

Jeff Conrad
Bend, Oregon
Access Junkie
 
J

John Vinson

To commemorate the one year anniversary of the Access
Junkie Top 10 List, here's another list to help you get
through a tough workday.
Click to expand...

Thanks Jeff... I *REALLY* needed a good laugh today, and these are
terrific!

"Barkeep... Jeff's drink is paid for. And Jeff, let me introduce my
sister, the unmarried and cute SQL DBA..."
 
J

John Vinson

However, I'm still working on that vision of John Vinson disguised as a nun
carrying a ruler. This is bringing out some long-repressed memories. I
just may need an extra toddy before bedtime.
Click to expand...

<THWAP!!!> "Miss Fischer - you may go to your room now!"
 
J

John Vinson

Well Fred, for your intelligent wife you should just
try, "The Dewey Decimal System ain't got nothin' on you!"

That should at least get a reaction....
Click to expand...

A librarian friend of mine often wears a button (quoting Spider
Robinson):

SMOTU

which is short for:

"Librarians are the Secret Masters Of The Universe. They control
information. Don't _EVER_ piss one off!"
 

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